Monday, May 7, 2012

The Aftermath

After my first baby was born prematurely due to severe Preeclampsia, I dealt with a lot of emotions.

Anger: Why me? Why her?

Fear: How would this impact my future health? Her future health? Would it happen again?

Guilt: Should I have done something different to prevent it? Why didn't I fight harder when my doctor ignored my concerns? Even though it wasn't really my fault, my stupid, broken body couldn't carry her to term.

Sadness: That beautiful picture I'd had of holding and cuddling my newborn was replaced with an isolette, wires, and being too sick even to sit up let alone hold and nurse her.

I've had people tell me, "All that matters is a healthy baby." That I should get over it.

While I would say that the MOST important thing is a healthy baby, it is not the ONLY important thing.

Of course I was happy with my beautiful baby. Of course I was grateful we both survived. Of course I had a lot of good emotions mixed with the bad.

But something bad had happened. I couldn't ignore or wish away those emotions. I had to work through them in my own time and in my own way.

Preeclampsia can be devastating. It's not unusual to experience depression and even PTSD after going through it. You have to feel what you feel and work through it to the other side.

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